Working on my Fitness...

I've been meaning to start this post for a WHILE now.. a long, long while.

WHAT I THOUGHT:
Basically, I thought I'd be 100% cleared for working out + not having to wear the compression garment at all anymore this past March, then within 2-3 months I'd drop the 10-15 lbs I had gained and be beach body ready by the summer time. Easy enough, right? 5 lbs per month sounds totally doable and in the past I was able to drop a few lbs just by eating healthier for a couple of weeks..... no, WRONG. not this time. The below are some 'before' photos...

WHAT I WISH I KNEW:
The reality is I was starting from nothing. All of my muscle mass had been completely depleted over the past year and I couldn't even clench my stomach or do 1 sit-up without assistance. It was a real eye opener, especially given the fact I was probably in the best shape of my life just prior to this happening. I had gotten in shape quick the year before, I didn't have to lose any weight - in fact (at the expense of sounding like one of 'those girls') I really had never had to lose weight in my life. I was already pretty small and once I started working out I toned up quickly. That's all I had ever known, so in my mind I thought that was how it would go again.

A more realistic timeline might have gone something like:

• 3-4 Months: slowly regain muscle mass, stamina & range of motion
• 5-6 Months: increase workout regimen
• 7-9 Months: real results ensue 

& even though this sounds like a long drawn out plan for anyone looking at it - the good thing is there are so many mile markers along the way. You see constant progress and improvement and it's not all about the lbs. The bad here is the mental struggle, which I'll touch on in a moment.

Also yes, I do think that maybe I could have gone on some crazy extreme workout plan that would have gotten me quicker weight loss results - but they wouldn't have been long term. Also, my body went through a lot in the past year, so mentally I wasn't ready to go full force (even though I thought I was). I also couldn't just change my eating habits over night (even though i thought i could) it had to happen slowly over time, and thats just what was right for me.

THE MENTAL STRAIN:
Even though working out is primarily thought of as a physical activity, in this situation there was a huge mental/emotional factor playing a role. Going back into the same group fitness classes I once soared to the top in (spinning, TRX, bootcamps) and not being able to hang with the pack or lagging behind was tougher than I could have planned for. I came home more than once from a class and cried. I knew no one was judging mean, but also with my leggings and shirt on no one could see what had happened to me. It was as if I was battling with this inner desire to shout out "Hey guys, I was in the ICU for 10 days... so if I modify an exercise or sit out for a couple of minutes that's why ok!?". I'm not saying thats right and/or justified, I'm just saying that's how I felt and I'm sure others have felt the same. I needed internal validation for my (sometimes failing) efforts.

((There's actually an amazing article written up all about the unique challenges of 'hidden' burns here if anyone is interested: http://www.phoenix-society.org/resources/entry/hidden-burns ))

CURRENT PROGRESS:
Now it's been 7 months since full clearance + not wearing the garment anymore. My timeline is pretty similar to the one I listed above. I went through a 3-4 month period of trial and error, slowly regaining muscle, attempting to eat healthy (but often failing.. because hay, you deserve to eat out and have this margarita), and testing out what classes worked best for me - thank gawd for ClassPass.

Only in the last couple of months do I fully feel like I've gotten my stamina back. It took a long long time. In the early months I would get winded, i felt like a had asthma, and I even had to step out of classes here and there. Today though, I can confidently say I was able to make it through my first Barry's Bootcamp class yesterday and didn't stop once. I still modify here and there, because I'm still rebuilding my body. If the teacher says get a 8 lb. weight, I'll probably grab both a 6 & 8 and adjust accordingly. I've become more comfortable with doing what's right for me today and not necessarily what worked for me in the past. So far I've lost 7 lbs. and would like to lose at least 5 more by the end of the year.

I don't have a ton of 'in progress' photos, because the truth is (1) I got really good at covering up with UV-proof sarongs (2) it was the dead of winter in NY and (3) I avoided photos in bikinis at all costs. but alas, there are some...

Heres me at my heaviest.. (this isn't fun).....
these photos would NEVER see the likes of Instagram, FB, etc.. NEVER.

Then I started to work out more and more ...

(we're talking like over the course of 6 months here)

And this is today....
(literally, I'm wearing this right now. I just took these. No filters, no nada)

I'm not where I want to be yet (under 130) but I'm getting there. Sllloowwwwllyyyy but surely.
Stay tuned for updates...

Year 1, done!

Welp, it's been a year - actually it's been a year & 4 months now… but who's counting? O_O

I've been waiting to write this update until I had completed my final Burn Unit visit and as of last monday… I have! Woooo! Also my doctor is retiring, and I'd like to think this is because he's no longer going to get monthly visits from me. Thank you Dr. Yurt for all of your hard work, awkward jokes and stoic faces over the past year. I'll miss you. More importantly though they asked me to be a patient mentor! So excited for that! I have to go through a training program & complete some blood work in the fall in order to become a registered volunteer at the hospital and then they'll pair me up with other burn patients in my general age range. :) Can't wait to share what I've learned over the past year and hopefully bring some joy to others going through the same thing.

*I'm also slightly nervous that I might freak out and cry and not be able to handle all the sadness, but we'll cross that bridge when it come. Hopefully the training goes over all of that.

So, I suppose I should insert some photos here. Ok here you go:

The thing is, I swear these scars change daily. Sometimes if I've been running around all day they're a bright pink/red, and other times like when i've just gotten out of a shower they're more white - so photos can really be deceiving. Overall though they're getting a LOT better, and my doctor says there's likely still going to be improvement over the next few years. Scars just get better and better as you age, so at least I have that to look forward to as I'm getting old. Hey, the stomach one barely even looks like a burn anymore - now it just looks like i have some weird skin disease/rash! Hooray, lol. I'll take it!

Anywho I'm just glad that year is over. It was awful. I still have flashbacks occasionally and I have to just sit and remind myself that I don't ever have to touch a stove again if I don't want to, and that it's over. PTSD is so real. I still get so anxious in the kitchen. My roommate (hey Tiffany girl) was cooking pancakes the other day with olive oil and I didn't like it at all, it made me uncomfortable, I felt like there was so much oil in the pan and I couldn't take the sound of the oil popping. I just have to go in my room at times like those and remind myself that I have a fire extinguisher now and the chances of having 2 kitchen fires in your life is probably really slim. It's bad, I know, but it's getting better with time.

On a high note I can finally wear normal clothes this summer with NO compression garment. Woo, let me tell you how lovely that is!!! It can get real muggy here in NY and I'm so glad I no longer have hospital grade spanx on under every outfit!!!

the 1 year mark.

first, a little look back through video.

it was really hard to make a short 2- 3 minute video, so i didn't. i made a 7-8 minute video.

sorry, i had a lot to say. it's all good though.

a little information, some thanks yous, the highs, the lows, and everything in between.

+ updated photos from today below:

Belated 6 Month & Current 9 Month Update!!!

Ahhhhh hi there!
It's been so long, I've been such a blogging-slacker. I kind of knew this was going to happen, but still feel bad about it. Sorry guyz.

It's tough keeping up with posting on here at the same time as trying to get back into the groove of 'real life' again - other things keep taking precedence (like work, and social life, and laundry, and sleeping, and ... you know all the other important things in life).

Anywho let's get down to business here - PHOTOS!
*although it's been about 9 months now since the incident (wow, 9 months. fcking crazy right!?) the photos below are from both the 6 month and 9 month mark. I've still been taking photos frequently over the past few months to share with my mom, even though I haven't been avidly posting them here, so i have plenty to pull from to share with you guys! :)


Here's my thigh from the first couple of weeks, just as a refresher:

Then here's it at month 6 & 9 (current):

Okey doke, now here's my stomach the first couple of weeks:

& here's it at month 6 & 9 (current):

Major progress right?

I have to say, I haven't looked back at the original photos for a while - my phone storage filled up about a month ago (stupid iPhones) so I'd transferred all my photos to my macbook and haven't really looked back since - and it was kind of rough seeing them today. You don't realize when you're on percocets for months at a time that that stuff numbs not only your body, but your emotions too. It's great in the moment but looking back at those times now can be kind of hard on me. 

I've been going to therapy and my therapist kind of explained it like this: it's like your brain displaces all those emotions at the time because you had one goal - RECOVER - and you had to make that happen before you could mentally deal with anything else. Well, now that I've gotten physically a lot better it's like my emotions are still trapped in there and want to come out at the oddest times. Stupid emotions, pshh. Luckily therapy has been helping me figure out how to get them out and deal with them properly. Recovery is a long difficult road. It's both physically and mentally draining, and I don't think many people understand it who haven't been through it so for everyone that has seen me over the past 9 months, been there for my laughter, been there for my tears, and more importantly just been there to support me through it all - thank you, your ongoing support means the world to me. 

Style 1102: How To Make Your Compression Garment Look Good!

(if basic styling would be considered 'Styling 101', this is on a whole 'nother level - hence the course number '1102' in the title.. just in case you didn't get it. ;)

Most people think I've just completely embraced this compression garment and have been rocking it with pride. That's semi-true, but maybe the more factual answer is… I have no choice. So when the going gets tough, the tough puts on complementary ensembles!

There's really 2 main ways to make a compression garment look good:
       1. Cover it up. 
       2. Rock it like you own it!

Here's some examples of how I've been doing each….

1. Cover it up.
While this one can kinda suck in the summer time due to added layers and the sweat factor, it's also has its benefits - such as doubling as a body shaper and making your stomach look flat after devouring nachos & wings. #winning

Since the garment itself is already so tight and clingy, when I'm trying to camouflage it I opt for looser more flowy pieces.

2. Rock it like you own it!
Due to the rising temperatures in NYC I've probably been opting for this option a bit more lately. For the next few months if you see me around you'll likely see me in something closer to the following…

Also, sportswear seems to do the best job of blending in with the garment and lets be honest, that's like 95% of my wardrobe anyways. Now I just have a legitimate medical excuse to dress in stylish gym attire all the time. Take THAT casual friday!

I'll try to post more clothing options as the seasons change again.
If anyone who see's this has also been in a similar circumstance, I'd love to hear about how you styled yours & coped with the ordeal.

Xo,
L

WTF is a 'Compression Garment'?! (& more…)

Oh hay guys,

I'm sure you're all wondering what a compression garment actually is, and how it's going to help me… well, luckily I'm here to answer those pressing questions & more.

*pics after the jump*
(i always wanted to say that, I'm such a legitimate blogger. did i even use that saying properly!? i just tried to look it up on urban dictionary and really not sure, but fck it. i wanted to use it, so i did.)

WTF is a compression garment?
I like to describe my compression garment as essentially just a fancy pair of Spanx. If you've never had the luxury of seeing it in person that's really the easiest way to imagine them. The only difference is mine were made custom to fit like a very tight glove (think OJ trying to pull on his glove - that's me trying to get this thing onto my body every morning) and made from a thick mesh-like material so there isn't as much give as a pair of Spanx.

So what does wearing this fancy garment do for me, you ask?
Basically it's so tight that it keeps my skin taught at all times, helping to flatten my scars and make them flush with my surrounding healthy skin - keeping the scars from getting raised, bumpy, or keloiding. The ultimate goal is that when my skin is done 'healing' in 1-2 years my scars may just be discolored or a bit of a different texture, but not raised or sunken in like a lot of burn victims you've likely seen on TV or in movies. 

Sheesh, how long do you have to wear this thing?
1 YEAR. 1, long ass fcking year. Wahhhh.
Every day, 23 hours a day - i get to take it off for 1 hour while I shower. yay.

How bad does it suck?
Ok, well the truth is it didn't suck at all in the beginning. In fact I was actually excited about it. It was such a relief to go from doing my own wound care every single day (please refer to my 'Things that Suck' post) to just having to slip on one garment. It actually made me more mobile, I could get out and walk more, I wasn't having to worry about my ace bandage slipping down my leg and exposing my freshly closed wound throughout the day - you get a really awkward reaction from people when that happens - and I felt like a had something 'hugging' my skin at all times. It made me feel more secure. 

Now it's been about 2 months of wearing it and yea ok, you know what...it kinda does suck. It was also cool outside when I first got in it and now it's slowly eased into full on summer in NY (aka it's hawt as hell). Speaking of….

I've also had to incorporate these nice silicon sheets into my garment which seem to be helping, but really blow to upkeep. I have to wash them every day, sometimes twice a day, and place them onto my scars before I pull my compression garment on, but after i apply lotion. It's a timely process every morning before work and every night before bed. The worst part is, the silicon doesn't stick to you.. it's just like thick rubbery sheets (think Dr. Scholls 'gellin' shoe inserts) that you place on you skin, then the compression garment wrinkles and rolls them all up, then you have to pull and prod at your garment once it's on to try and straighten them out. I have one for my leg, and one for my stomach. Exhausting.

& yes, yes it does suck VERY MUCH SO having to go to the bathroom with all this on. 
I'm sure you were all wondering. 

disclaimer: i feel obligated to say 'excuse the underboob', but really i've exposed you guys to 90% of my charred body at all levels of healing, so really a little underboob really shouldn't be that much of a *gasp* moment at this point. pshh. get over it, it's 2014.

3 MONTH UPDATE

Oh hay guyz!! Long time no see...
Sorry I haven't updated this blog in a while - I've been slowly getting back to work full time and trying to build myself back up mentally by hanging out with friends and attempting to regain my social life one outing at a time.  *insert long dramatic exhale here*

I've also gotten into my compression garment full time! (FINALLY) That was a bit of a struggle, and I'll be sure to detail that whole todo in my next post, entitled "WTF is a 'Compression Garment'".

Anywho back to the update.
Here's a few photos from the past few weeks…

Here's a couple from about 8 weeks in:

 





10 weeks in:

 





& finally, 12 weeks/3 months in (taken today):

 








The compression garment is helping SO MUCH, and I've finally found a moisturizing routine that works best for me. Lubriderm is great for when you're in a rush, but Palmer's Cocoa Butter in the jar is really ideal. It's a little greasier and takes a bit longer to absorb into your skin, but it really does wonders!


Pics & post of the compression garment to follow up soon….. :)