My Burn Journey: Working on my Fitness...

I've been meaning to start this post for a WHILE now.. a long, long while.

WHAT I THOUGHT:
Basically, I thought I'd be 100% cleared for working out + not having to wear the compression garment at all anymore this past March, then within 2-3 months I'd drop the 10-15 lbs I had gained and be beach body ready by the summer time. Easy enough, right? 5 lbs per month sounds totally doable and in the past I was able to drop a few lbs just by eating healthier for a couple of weeks..... no, WRONG. not this time. The below are some 'before' photos...

WHAT I WISH I KNEW:
The reality is I was starting from nothing. All of my muscle mass had been completely depleted over the past year and I couldn't even clench my stomach or do 1 sit-up without assistance. It was a real eye opener, especially given the fact I was probably in the best shape of my life just prior to this happening. I had gotten in shape quick the year before, I didn't have to lose any weight - in fact (at the expense of sounding like one of 'those girls') I really had never had to lose weight in my life. I was already pretty small and once I started working out I toned up quickly. That's all I had ever known, so in my mind I thought that was how it would go again.

A more realistic timeline might have gone something like:

3-4 Months: slowly regain muscle mass, stamina & range of motion
5-6 Months: increase workout regimen
7-9 Months: real results ensue

& even though this sounds like a long drawn out plan for anyone looking at it - the good thing is there are so many mile markers along the way. You see constant progress and improvement and it's not all about the lbs. The bad here is the mental struggle, which I'll touch on in a moment.

Also yes, I do think that maybe I could have gone on some crazy extreme workout plan that would have gotten me quicker weight loss results - but they wouldn't have been long term. Also, my body went through a lot in the past year, so mentally I wasn't ready to go full force (even though I thought I was). I also couldn't just change my eating habits over night (even though i thought i could) it had to happen slowly over time, and thats just what was right for me.

THE MENTAL STRAIN:
Even though working out is primarily thought of as a physical activity, in this situation there was a huge mental/emotional factor playing a role. Going back into the same group fitness classes I once soared to the top in (spinning, TRX, bootcamps) and not being able to hang with the pack or lagging behind was tougher than I could have planned for. I came home more than once from a class and cried. I knew no one was judging mean, but also with my leggings and shirt on no one could see what had happened to me. It was as if I was battling with this inner desire to shout out "Hey guys, I was in the ICU for 10 days... so if I modify an exercise or sit out for a couple of minutes that's why ok!?". I'm not saying thats right and/or justified, I'm just saying that's how I felt and I'm sure others have felt the same. I needed internal validation for my (sometimes failing) efforts.

((There's actually an amazing article written up all about the unique challenges of 'hidden' burns here if anyone is interested: http://www.phoenix-society.org/resources/entry/hidden-burns ))

CURRENT PROGRESS:
Now it's been 7 months since full clearance + not wearing the garment anymore. My timeline is pretty similar to the one I listed above. I went through a 3-4 month period of trial and error, slowly regaining muscle, attempting to eat healthy (but often failing.. because hay, you deserve to eat out and have this margarita), and testing out what classes worked best for me - thank gawd for ClassPass.

Only in the last couple of months do I fully feel like I've gotten my stamina back. It took a long long time. In the early months I would get winded, i felt like a had asthma, and I even had to step out of classes here and there. Today though, I can confidently say I was able to make it through my first Barry's Bootcamp class yesterday and didn't stop once. I still modify here and there, because I'm still rebuilding my body. If the teacher says get a 8 lb. weight, I'll probably grab both a 6 & 8 and adjust accordingly. I've become more comfortable with doing what's right for me today and not necessarily what worked for me in the past. So far I've lost 7 lbs. and would like to lose at least 5 more by the end of the year.

I don't have a ton of 'in progress' photos, because the truth is (1) I got really good at covering up with UV-proof sarongs (2) it was the dead of winter in NY and (3) I avoided photos in bikinis at all costs. but alas, there are some...

Heres me at my heaviest.. (this isn't fun).....
these photos would NEVER see the likes of Instagram, FB, etc.. NEVER.